Inconsequential

Inquiry

2005-08-13T21:40:00.000-04:00

"Did you drop me on my head several times when I was a baby?"
"No. Not that I can remember."
"Really. Are you sure?"
"I am positive, but had it happened, it would have explained a lot of things. Isn't it?"

Persistance

2005-08-08T12:16:00.000-04:00

"Can I have contacts?"
"This the umpteenth time you asked for the same thing and you know my answer."
"And what would that be?"
"No way. You are not getting those till you reach eighteen."
"Can I have them at my next birthday? I can't wait for years."
"Don't you get tired of repeating yourself? This is very annoying."
"I don't see it that way. I think that I am being very persistent. Isn't this the only way to get what you want in life?"

True Love

2005-08-04T03:53:00.000-04:00

"I am sad for my friend. Her parents are getting divorced."
"That is very sad, indeed."
"You know that I have been to her house many times, had play dates and even had sleepovers but never noticed anything unusual. Her mom and dad were always nice and polite. They seemed like a normal couple."
"Hmm, sometimes the signs of trouble are more than skin deep. Tell me, did they talk to each other or engage in conversations?"
"No. They were kind of quiet."
"Did you notice them having any discussions, emotional outbursts or even fights?"
"Not that I can remember."
"It seems that, as a couple, they were not even engaged at all with each other. Heated discussions and intense fights, if done correctly, are signs of healthy marriage as it simply indicates the willingness of both parties to resolve issues and conflicts.”

Pause

"Dad, are you trying to say that you and mommy have true love?"

Anti-social

2005-08-02T08:12:00.000-04:00

"Dad, can I buy this cell phone. It allows multi-party talk and it plays games as well."
"I can understand the interest in games but why do you need to talk to many people at the same time?"
"Why? That is very usual for girls. The more the merrier."
"To be honest, I sometimes find it difficult to talk to just one single person at a time."
"You are not very social, are you?"

One fine saturday morning

2005-08-01T08:47:00.000-04:00

"There are hair everywhere."
"Why have you started grumbling so early in the morning? God! It's not even ten."
"I am not grumbling, just trying to voice my concerns."
"What's the big deal about hair?"
"I am sick of cleaning and vaccuming. I find hair everywhere. To be honest, I cannot decide who sheds more hair in this house? You or your cat?"
"Don't blame the poor cat and it's not even me. You are the one who is going bald. Now go back to sleep."

Pause

"You know, you sounded like your mom."

Image conscious

2005-07-27T01:53:00.000-04:00

"Your pants are completely out of style. I can't imagine that you bought those. What were you thinking?"
"Why? What's wrong with my pants?"
"They are from the 80's. Nobody wears them anymore."
"I wouldn't have noticed. They just complement my wardrobe."
"Dad, your wardrobe is totally dated. We need to get you some new clothes."
"I am fine. I don’t need anything."

Pause

"How do you shop for things?"
"I buy things only when they are really needed and are of good quality."
"And extremely cheap too. You cannot overlook that."
"True. But let's use the terms "economical" or "good value" here rather than "cheap". It is euphemism but in a way helps the image."
"Dad, if you really cared about the image, you wouldn't have bought those pants in the first place."

Marriage license

2005-07-26T21:38:00.000-04:00

"Dad, is it true that you need to get a license in order to get married?"
"Yes, some towns and cities would even require you to take a three hour marriage course before they would issue you a marriage license."
"Does it help?"
"I don't know. It may scare some potential wannabe couples prompting them to scratch out their plans for marriage."
"So, basically they chicken out?"
"Well, you can't blame them. They probably live happily afterwards."

Denial

2005-07-25T10:52:00.000-04:00

"Tell me dad, how come you never learned how to swim?"
"I know how to swim; it's just that I can't keep my head above water for long."
"Would you like me to teach you?"
"No, thanks."
"We'll stay in the kiddie pool, in four feet water, I promise."

Royal blood

2005-07-22T18:35:00.000-04:00

Eww! The salad has tomatoes. I am not eating it."
"You need to give it a try. It is healthy food."
"Some other time, perhaps. Can you make me something else?"
"You know, I never complain about food. Whatever is available, I would eat it."
"I know you are not picky. You would eat anything and everything and it shows."
"You are such a royal pain."
"Why thank you! I always knew I had royal blood in me."

Career Choices

2005-07-21T08:12:00.000-04:00

"Can I be a politician when I grow up?"
"Why not? I guess anyone can have a shot at that."
"What are the requirements?"
"Nothing extraordinary. Some school and some college. No star quality really, is required. You have to be lucky and being from a rich family with contacts, would not hurt either."
"What exactly is the job of a politician?"
"Well, you definitely need to be able to predict things how they will happen and then be able to explain later why they did not happen the way you predicted."
"Hmmm! Is that all, really?"
"Pretty much. Even George Bernard Shaw once commiserated about such an aspiring person. He said, "He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career."
"Are you pointing towards Bush?"
"Ssssh!"

Inheritance patterns

2005-07-20T14:59:00.000-04:00

"My friend has different colored eyes, one is blue and the other is green. Why is that. Is she a mutant?"
"Nah..! What's the color of her parents eyes?"
"I guess, they have blue and brown eyes."
"She most likely inherited it. Eye color is dependant on the expression of 6 or more genes exhibiting a polygenic inheritance patern."
"What!... Sounds way too complex. Is there a simpler explanation?"
"Yeah! She has one glass eye."

Culinary skills

2005-07-19T16:19:00.000-04:00

“Good food. Dad, your cooking has improved a lot.”
“Thanks. It takes time to develop culinary skills. It was not like that in my earlier years.”
“How was it, then?"
“Two words: Quick and dirty. During the student years, you firmly believe that cooking anything longer than five minutes is a complete waste of time.”
“So what would you do to save time?”
“I tried microwaving an egg once.”
“Did it work?”
“Time wise? No, it did not work out that well. The egg was splattered all over, and cleaning up the resultant mess took an hour."
“What else did you try?”
“I would eat a frozen pizza without really bothering to warm it up and for the first few times that I cooked, I nearly always had to vacate the building along with all the other residents."
"Why the evacuation?"
"You don't expect me to remain in a building that is full of smoke. Do you?"

Finally some solutions

2005-07-15T23:19:00.000-04:00

"Did you watch the news, lately?"
"Yes, I did."
"Why are people blowing themselves up?"
"Who knows!"
"Do you think they are angry at something?"
"They might be. But we all know that "anger" is unhealthy and usually misdirected."
"Don't they know that we have "pillows" for that?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know, the anger pillows; you squeeze them when you are angry. May be they can put on the boxing gloves and punch the bag or play soccer. Gosh, just have to hit the ball a little harder."

Vision problems

2005-07-14T21:34:00.000-04:00

"Can you see your feet while standing up?"
"Not really. Give me my glasses? You know I am near sighted."
"Dad, it has nothing to do with vision, it's your belly that is in the way."

Issues with tanning

2005-07-13T13:01:00.000-04:00

"Why are you staying in shade? It's a nice sunny day."
"No thanks, I am fine here."
"Don't you want to get tanned?"
"You know, when fair skinned people get a tan, people think that they recently came back from an exotic vacation spot, or have spent time on sunny warm beach resorts such as French Riviera or Caribbean. It becomes a status symbol. People love to talk about what they did or did not do on that vacation."
"What does this has to do with you?"
"Any more tanning than my original natural skin color, and I would be fending off questions from people about my recent trip to Niger."

Just in case

2005-07-12T13:55:00.000-04:00

"You like my ponytail?"
"I have always liked you in ponytail. I think it suits all little girls. They look real cute."
"Did you make my pony tails when I was younger?"
"Yes, I did. They never seem to come out right, though. You always complained."
"Well, those pony tails were kind of loose and off-center and you would leave lots of hair out. Look, dad, let me show you how to make it. Real tight and nice."
"I don't need to know how to make a pony tail, not anymore. You have learned to do it yourself and I don't have enough hair for my own."
"Still, you should learn, just in case you want to have another daughter."

Conversation

2005-07-11T12:01:00.000-04:00

"Dad. Dad. Wake up. Let's go home."
"Home, why?"
"The movie has ended. It's time to go home."
"Oh! OK.”

Pause

"It was a nice movie, isn’t it? Full of suspense and mystery. I really liked the ending; it was kind of unexpected. Did you like it?"
"Dad, you were practically asleep during the whole movie. I had to elbow you a couple of times to stop you from snoring, and now you want an intelligent conversation over the movie. Hellooo?"

Missing friends

2005-07-10T10:06:00.000-04:00

"You used to have lots of friends, not anymore. What happened?"
"I guess it’s mostly work and stuff that keeps me occupied. I am sure they are busy in their lives too."
"Where are they? anyway."
"Most are doing time. Ahh! Just kidding."
"Seriously dad, where are they?"
"They are all married."

Logical reasons

2005-07-08T10:28:00.000-04:00

"Dad, why do people marry?"
"A marriage often happens when people are in love and they want to spend the rest of their lives with each other."
"So, you have to be in love in order to get married?"
"Not necessarily. Marriages can happen for logical reasons as well."
“Logical reasons?”
“Well, people are known to marry for commitment, to start a family or as part of their culture. Sometimes they marry just to advance their careers or simply for money.”
“How stupid? I think that being in love is the best reason.”
“I agree, though, this should not be the only reason and I can quote George Bernard Shaw on that."
"What did he say?"
"He said, "It is most unwise for people in love to marry."
“I am sure he died a lonely bachelor."

Weird men

2005-07-07T23:49:00.000-04:00

"Your friends are weird. They treat me like a 3-year old. It’s good that you don't visit them often."
"All right, protest noted. The next time I see them, I'll tell them to behave."
"Good. It's men like them who get on my nerves."

Gender differences

2005-07-06T08:11:00.000-04:00

“Would you agree that the girls are excessively anxious about their appearance?"
"Kinda..."
"But boys of comparable age are almost carefree about their appearance. Isn’t it?"
"That is so true. Given a chance, some boys in my class would come to school in their nightshirts and pajamas. Makes no difference if they don't dress up, as nobody checks them out anyway."
“What about girls? Who is checking them out?"
"Oh! They just look at each other and get jealous."

The stubborn chicken

2005-07-05T11:03:00.000-04:00

"What are you making?”
“Garlic chicken.”
“Smells good. Can you teach me how to make it?”
“May be next year, but for now you can watch and pick up a few pointers.”
“OK. What do you do first?
“Good question. That reminds me of an incident that happend during my student life. My roommate got hold of a recipe and decided to try his hands on a chicken for the very first time. He called me up for help after two hours, complaining and cursing the stubborn chicken that totally refused to cook."
“So, what did you do?”
“I told him to remove the sealed plastic warp from the chicken first.”

Family feet

2005-07-04T11:01:00.000-04:00

"You have been quiet for some time. What's going on?"
"Oh! Nothing really. I got hold of some old nail polish and I am painting my toes. All the girls my age are doing it."
"Why would you use a pink nail polish on one foot and white on other?"
"I am just experimenting."
"There is nail polish on your knees. Is that part of the experiment as well?"
"Ahn! I guess I was a little sloppy. I want you to tell me which one looks better?"
"Hmm! The right foot, I believe is a human foot. The left one looks more like an alien foot.”
"Tell me the truth."
"I don't think that these nail polishes are working on either foot."
"No, No, No, tell me the truth."
"Both feet look perfect, size 10."
"Stop making fun of my feet. They are not that big. Don't you forget that I have your feet."

War of the Worlds (the movie)

2005-07-03T11:14:00.000-04:00

"I found parts of the movie "War of the worlds" scary. That little girl (Dakota Fanning) was like screaming every five minutes. Were you scared too?"
"No, not really. I guess they were the same bad ass aliens that you saw in the other movie, "Independence day", may be a little uglier.”
“What were the aliens doing on earth this time?”
“It is an old story of aliens invading the earth to exterminate the humans and to make this planet their home. This time they were riding in "tripods", sucking human blood and getting dysentery or something. I think that's how they died eventually."
“Eww! That’s what they were eating? I think I missed that part.”
“What were they supposed to eat? They were not strict vegetarians."
"They didn't have anything else to eat?"
"I guess not. See, all that planning went down the tube because they forgot to pack their food with them for the mission. At least someone should have thought of that in the higher alien hierarchy before planning an interplanetary war.”
"That's dumb. I am sure somebody is going to get fired over this."

Pause

"I really liked Tom Cruise's role."
"Yeah! Though, he was mostly running the other way from the aliens throughout the movie. He was portrayed as a "lousy dad" living alone, but was able to take care of his children during the alien attack."
"Isn't that cool? He came out good as a father."
"You don't really need an alien invasion to bring a family together. Do you?"

Learnt process

2005-07-01T10:33:00.000-04:00

"Is it true that marriages are difficult but parenting is easier?"
"There might be some truth to it."
"I don't understand that at all. Why is that?"
"Well, parenting is a primal basic instinct. Even the most primitive animals are capable of taking good care of their newborns, and that is without any formal training. Marriage, on the other hand, is a whole different story. It's a “learnt process” rather than an instinct."
"How long does it take to learn it?"
"It depends. There are many variables."
"How about yourself, have you learnt it all?"
"To be honest, I am still learning."

Licensing for kids

2005-06-30T23:55:00.000-04:00

"Do you need a license to have children?"
"No. You don't need permission or a license to have children, but come to think of it, it might be a good idea."
"How come?"
"You know, when I look at some parents, I instantly become convinced that pro-choice movement is justified."
"I don't really know what you are saying. Too many big words and it sounds political."
"I stand corrected. Sometimes I forget that you are only eleven. How about having this discussion in two or three years time?"
"Good thinking."

Speech impediment

2005-06-29T22:52:00.000-04:00

"My braces are killing me. They are too tight."
"You will get used to it. Remember, you asked for it."
"No, I did not! And now I cannot talk."
"Thank God, finally something worked."

Expressions of anger

2005-06-28T23:43:00.000-04:00

"I think I am mad as hell."
"No, you are not. You are just saying it."
"You think that I am not that believable?"
"Dad, I can really tell when you are angry."
"Hmm, and you think that now is not the time?"
"You know, your expression of anger is like a balloon that gets filled up, gets bigger and bigger and then one day, it pops, "BOOM"."
"How about your mom? Does she behave in a similar fashion?"
"That, on the other hand, is a balloon that deflates on a daily basis."

Swimming technique

2005-06-27T07:15:00.000-04:00

"Dad! Let's go swimming."
"I'll take you but I don't think I'll swim."
"Why? It's fun."
"Somehow I was never able to develop a good relationship with the life guards on duty.”
“Why is that?”
“They have always looked me up with suspicion. I think that my presence raises their anxiety level and one of them in particular, is so anal retentive that he chases me around. Kind of ruins all the fun."
"Did you talk to him about that?"
"I tried. The last time I was there in the pool, I told him plainly, "Leave me alone. I am just trying to swim here."
"What did he say?"
"He said, "No sir, I think you are drowning."

Major purchase

2005-06-24T09:47:00.000-04:00

"I am glad dad, that you bought something for yourself today, for a change."
"You know, I really needed those boxer shorts.”
“You bet. The previous one was completely faded and raggedy. Probably it was bought at the time I was born.”
“About that time, I suppose.”
“Looks like you are all set for the next decade. No more major purchases, I guess.”

Creative thinking

2005-06-23T23:04:00.000-04:00

"Did you do any creative work or projects during your school age?"
"Not really. It was neither required nor necessary."
"Then, how did you learn?"
"Well, we were supposed to memorize books, literally word by word, cram everything in and take a 3 hour written test at the end of the year. They would ask you, maybe, five or six questions at the most."
"That's stupid...”
"Yes, it was."
"You know; to relive the experience you missed as a child, feel free to go to school instead of me."

Positive attitude

2005-06-22T21:21:00.000-04:00

"How was your day?"
"Good."
"Anything new?"
"Well, I was late for the first period, so I got detention. Then I found out that I forgot my homework at home, so I got a zero as a grade. Next, I couldn't participate in today’s' gym class because somebody stole my shorts from my locker. At lunchtime, I had to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because I didn't have my lunch money with me. I also had to stay late after school to make up for the zero grade.
"You said earlier that it was a good day."
"It was not?"
"I don’t think so."
"See, I am a very positive person."

How do I look?

2005-06-21T11:11:00.000-04:00

"How do I look?
"You look beautiful."
"You did not even look at me. See, I have applied eyeliner for the first time."
"Where am I supposed to look?"
"Eyes! Of course. Oh Gosh..."
"Could you be more specific?"
"Ahhh!"

Happy father's day

2005-06-19T20:52:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning and found this on my bedside:

It is a hand crafted coupon book made by my daughter for me as a father's day gift.

The idea is solely inspired, developed, authored and packaged by her. The coupon book has nine entries, which are listed below:

One free shopping trip that you don’t have to make.

One free shower that I will take in five minutes or less.

One free time I'll keep my pet bird from bothering you.

One free car trip, you get to hear your favorite radio.

One free room cleaning, pick a room of your choice.

One free day to help you in the yard or around the house.

One free dinner for you (I only know how to make pasta).

One free month, pay only 50% of my monthly allowance.

One free time I'll shut up.

I guess this makes me one hell of a lucky dad.

Logical Inference

2005-06-18T18:57:00.000-04:00

"We had a science class today."
"What did you learn?"
"Some interesting stuff, like the male hormone testosterone is responsible for all the male traits and that it is linked with baldness."
"Yes! there is an indirect correlation between the levels of testosterone and the amount of hair on the scalp."
"Translation please."
"It means that higher the testosterone levels, the less the hair and vice versa."

Pause

"Dad! You have a head full of hair."

Great minds

2005-06-17T17:14:00.000-04:00

"Hi, dad! What's up for dinner?"
"Stirfried broccoli and rice."
"Eww! I hate broccoli. I am not eating it."
"Would you at least try it?"
"No way. It's gross and looks yucky. Can you make me something else?"

Pause

“You know what George H. W. Bush Senior once said about broccoli? He said, “I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.”
“Wow! See how all great minds think alike.”

Long term plans

2005-06-15T10:10:00.000-04:00

"Would you like to clean up your room? The mess is really getting out of control here. I am even afraid to open the door as things may start falling out on me."
"Well, I was busy with my school stuff, but I did clean a little last week. Didn't I?"
"Sure, you did. It also indicates that you'll probably be done in a little less than five years."
"Aren't you proud of me for devoting myself to such a long-term plan?"

Experiential education

2005-06-14T21:05:00.000-04:00

"I really like my "Experiential Education" class."
"What the heck is that?"
"It is a curriculum recently introduced in schools and the idea is to make children think about how things work. They make discoveries and experiment themselves drawing conclusions rather than simply reading about them."
"Hmmm. Never heard of that in my good old days. Must be some "techno-psycho" mumbo jumbo. Anyway, do you find it useful?"
"I totally love it. In fact, the course has made me think and question every thing. I guess I have finally started using my brains."
"Really? I did not notice. When did you start?"
"Hey!!!!!"

Living happily ever after

2005-06-13T10:35:00.000-04:00

"I liked the movie "Mr. and Mrs. Smith", it was cool. Did you like it, dad?"
"It was O.K. There was a little too much of knife throwing and gun shots for my taste."
"I thought you liked action movies?”
"I do, but Angelina Jolie as an assassin? Man! She don't need no guns."
"Stop it."

Pause

"I did not understand the end of the movie. What was that all about?"
"Well, they kind of lived happily ever after, once they were able to kill everyone else."
"Sounds like the secret to a happy marriage."

Predictability

2005-06-12T16:25:00.000-04:00

"Don't go near the stove. It is still hot."
"Somehow I knew that you were going to say that."
"You knew that?"
"Yes, you are very predictable, Dad!"
"Really, how so?"
"I can usually tell beforehand, when and what are you going to say about most things that happen on a daily basis."
"Is there anything you can't predict about me?"
"I still can't figure out, like, when are you going to get mad and start yelling at me. You have such a short fuse."

Limited use

2005-06-10T09:29:00.000-04:00

"Dad!"
"Hmmm."
“Dad, don’t you like talking to me?”
“I love talking to you. In fact, we are communicating more when compared to your toddler period."
"You won't talk to me, then?"
"A little, perhaps."
"Why so?"
"I guess, you were too busy in toys and stuff like that and most of the conversations were one-sided. I remember once introducing you to my friends saying, “That is our child but we never really use her."

Sheltered life

2005-06-07T09:09:00.000-04:00

"Dad, at what age did you start dating?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Just curious."
"Hmmm! I would say what the famous comedian Bob Hope, once said in response to a similar question, "I have lived a very sheltered life. Never been out with girls until I was four."
"In your dreams..."

Psychoanalysis

2005-06-05T10:29:00.000-04:00

"How was school?"
"Good."
"Anything new?"
"No, same old, same old."

Pause

"I am glad that you are not like my friend's dad."
"Why, what does he do?"
"He is a psychoanalyst and their usual conversation goes something like that when she gets home:

Him: "How was school?"
Her: "Good."
Him: "So, how do you feel about that?"

Honing PR skills

2005-06-04T08:02:00.000-04:00

"Did you like the movie "Madagascar"? I think it was funny?"
"No, it was not."
"Some of the scenes were pretty hilarious, won't you agree?"
"No, they were not."
"Ahhh! Feisty! Let me suggest a few pointers here, young lady. You do not start a conversation by negating the other person right away. That instantly puts people on the defensive especially if they are your elders."
"I am being honest here, Dad. What should I say then?
"Contrary to the conventional teaching, honesty is not always the best policy when it comes to dealing with people. It is better to start lame and then present your strong, diverging, hypercritical view later. You may want to start a disagreement by appearing to agree with the other person. You'll make more friends than enemies that way."
"I am confused. This sounds way too complicated. Could you give me an example?"
"O.K. Try the opening lines such as, “I beg to differ---", "I have a different view on that and my take is ----" or by simply saying "You may be right but I think that----."
"How about saying, "You may be wrong----". Would that be a good start?"

The truth

2005-06-03T12:57:00.000-04:00

"What a lousy song?"
"It's not that bad."
"It really is awful. The tune is off, the lyrics suck and the singer is pitchy."
"Dad! It's Beyonce Knowles."
"I don't care even if she sings it naked."
"Yes, you do..."

Sex, violence and drugs

2005-06-02T09:59:00.000-04:00

"What are you watching?"
"MTV."
"I cannot stand this music channel. To be honest, some of the songs should be banned out right. They are such a bad influence on young molding minds. All they do is rap about sex, voilence and drugs."
"You did not watch that channel when you were young?
"No, when I was growing up, things were a lot different. At age eleven, if my memory serves me right, I did not even know the meaning of word "sex"."
"Really?"
"Yeah! Drugs were also non-existant, even smoking cigarettes were considered bad and my exposure to violence was restricted to getting beaten up occasionally by the local bullies on the street."
"When did you start all that, then?"

Physical fitness

2005-06-01T09:58:00.000-04:00

"Did you see that jogger? WOW. Man! She has some nice legs."
"Dad! I am disgusted. Shame on you. You shouldn't say such a thing?"
"Why! One should admire the motivation and dedication to staying fit. These are the people who have shown the courage to get off the couch and exercise. They want to get into shape. They want to be healthier, both physically and mentally and they want to take control of their lives. They should be praised."
"That was a nice speech, however, why do you admire only women who are fit?"

Mummification theory

2005-05-26T00:40:00.000-04:00

“I have an idea about what those mummies really are!”
“Educate me.”
“We know that those ancient Egyptians were very advanced. They were able to build “Pyramids” without the use of modern machinery and equipment. I think that the mummification process was also an evidence of their superior technological skills.”
“Go on!”
“I think that the mummies are in fact cases of extreme makeovers that went wrong.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Dad! Haven’t you seen the TV programs where they do extensive cosmetic surgeries, like “Swan” where they would take an ugly duckling and transform her into a hottie. Didn't you notice that they wrap them up in bandages from head to toe, exactly like mummies.”

Sleeplessness

2005-05-25T10:42:00.000-04:00

"I can’t sleep."
"Why, what’s the problem?"
"I think, I am scared."
"Scared of what?"
"I don’t know."
"Hmmm. Did you hear any strange sounds?"
"No."
"Did you happen to see a shadow, a strange object, a UFO or something?"
"No. I did not see any such thing."
"Did you see anything out of the ordinary?"
"Nope."
"Did you, by any chance, happen to see yourself in the mirror?"
"Hey!"
"Then, I guess, it should be fine. There are not many scary things out there."

Changing trends

2005-05-24T09:42:00.000-04:00

“You are watching soaps!”
“All the girls of my age are doing that. Who wants to watch "Fear factor anymore?”
“Interesting! I guess the days of reality TV shows are over.”
“It appears like that. Did you notice by any chance that the “Desperate housewives” is now a prime time show?”
“No. In fact,I did not know that. I wonder when they are going to produce a show name “Desperate househusbands?”

Common ailments

2005-05-23T00:39:00.000-04:00

“Could you help your dad in the yard cleanup?”
“I would like to but I really don’t feel well."
"Why! What happened?"
"I have a headache.”
“Where is the headache?”
“It’s all around the head, and it gets worse when I shake my head. I feel like my head is spinning.”
“When did it start?”
“About, just now.”
“Quite convenient!”
“Why do I have headaches like that? This is not the first time. I mean it could be serious?”
“Ahh! I don't think these are serious, in fact these are quite common. Unhelpful kids are usually the ones affected. They seem to get better with age.”

Non-believer

2005-05-20T00:23:00.000-04:00

“You take good pictures. How come you don’t do it anymore?”
“I used to do a lot of photography when I was not a father. But when you were born, I would carry you everywhere we went instead of my camera bag, different lenses and the heavy tripod."
“Dad! Now I am old enough to drag my feet. You don’t have to carry me anymore. Feel free to pursue your hobbies again.”
“You are right. I can start again. I remember there was a girl who wanted me to take her pictures as a model, but I refused.”
“You are probably making this up.”
“No! I guess she wanted to go out with me or something.”
“In your dreams.”
“Why? Come to think of it, she was actually hot.”
“Liar.”

New friend

2005-05-19T00:30:00.000-04:00

“I made a new friend today.”
“Good. Is she nice?”
“She is great. We became best friends the minute we met each other.”
“Sound likes great chemistry between you two!”
“Yeah. I like her very much. You know dad! The first thing she told me was that I was pretty.”
“Oh. No wonder you think she is your best friend?”

Evolution

2005-05-18T00:32:00.000-04:00

“Why are you walking like that?”
“Why! How am I walking?”
“You know, with your head down, back arched and shoulders down taking long heavy steps.”
“This is the walk of an important “Neanderthal Man” who is also the head of his tribe.”
“Dad! Are you forgetting something? We evolved a long time ago. Hellooo.”

Father-daughter relationship

2005-05-17T09:03:00.000-04:00

“My throat is very scratchy. I don’t feel good at all. I think I should not go to school today.”
“Get ready, we are leaving for school in the next five minutes.”
“You don’t really care. What if I would die there today?”
“Hmmm! Considering the sudden onset, complexity and the grave nature of your acute illness, I don’t think it is highly probable. In all likelihood, you’ll survive today and probably will continue to remain a pain for years to come.”
“Do you have any idea that this tough attitude of yours is negatively affecting our father-daughter relationship?”

Cheapskate

2005-05-16T06:15:00.000-04:00

“My friend was wearing a nice dress today. She told me that she got it from a thrift store.”
“It’s her choice.”
“But her parents make good money. She can afford to buy stuff at a regular shop.”
“There is nothing wrong with getting stuff from a thrift store. Sometimes you get bargains. Think of it as a garage sale. Besides, not all people can shop at high end stores.”
“You won’t mind me getting anything from a thrift store?”
“Not at all. In fact, that might be a good thing. You know, your dad is thrifty too.”
“No. You are not thrifty, you are a cheapskate.”
“What’s the difference?”
“A thrifty person wants to buy things cheap, while a cheapskate like you does not want to spend any money at all.”

Can't we all get along?

2005-05-15T18:11:00.000-04:00

“I am sorry for my friend. She has no friends anymore.”
“None, whatsoever?”
“Yeah! I guess I was the last one who bailed out on her.”
“Sad. Isn’t it?”
“You know, there seems to be a reason why she does not have any.”
“Sometimes people have difficulty getting along with other people. It happens frequently in marriages. People don’t get along. I understand that it is hard for you.”
“Dad, it’s not like I am getting a divorce here. Hellooo! Iam not married to her.”

Aspirations

2005-05-13T19:38:00.000-04:00

“You know, it is good to have aspirations. One should have goals and plans for the life ahead. When I was growing up, I always thought of becoming a surgeon.”
"Why did you want to be a surgeon, dad?"
"Surgery is a skill, its craftsmanship. I always wanted to do something with my hands."
"Pervert."

Pay up

2005-05-11T23:20:00.000-04:00

"You know, you owe me my pocket money for this month."
"Didn't I give it to you already?"
"Nope. In fact you owe me for the last month as well."
"Really?"
"I am sorry, dad. But you have to pay up."
"Why are you sorry? It is your right. This is something we agreed upon. Didn't we?"
"I know that you agreed on principals but it still hurts to pay up. Isn't it?"

Another blow

2005-05-10T10:01:00.000-04:00

“Did you check my blog lately?”
“I have tons of homework. Sorry! Didn’t have the time.”
“Lots of people are reading it. I just checked it. The traffic is really picking up.”
“I am sure dad, it’s mostly you visiting your own blog every five minutes.”

Blunt advice

2005-05-09T09:19:00.000-04:00

“Hey! Don’t stand like that.”
“Why? What seems to be the problem?”
“You need to do jogging or something. You look very fat, I am sorry to say that, Dad.”
“I think this shirt is tight on me making me look that way.”
“Nope. You actually look pregnant standing like that with your back arched.”
“Really?”
“Really. Really. Now don’t look so proud. Do something about it.”

Confusion

2005-05-06T17:16:00.000-04:00

“Dad! Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“What is a biosexual?”
“Biosexual? Oh, you mean; bisexual? Isn’t.”
“Yeah, whatever.”

The usual type of stuff

2005-05-05T18:43:00.000-04:00

“How was school today?”
“Good. We had gym today.”
“Must have been fun! What did you do there?”
“Things."
“What things?”
“The usual type.”
“The usual type! What type is that?
“Routine stuff, you know.”
“What kind of stuff and what type of routine?”
“The regular kind.”
“Could you be more specific and describe for me the usual type of things or the routine, regular stuff that you did today at school during your gym class?”
“Ahh! Why communicating with parents is that difficult? If that’s what you want then why didn’t you say so in the first place?”
“I was trying.”
“Anyway! You basically do simple stuff.”
“Simple stuff! Here we go again. Could you please just respond to the earlier question?”
“Okay, okay. Patience. It’s like; you do sit-ups, chin-ups and push-ups. You also jump up and down and run around. I actually ran a mile today. What do you think Dad? Am I physically fit?”
“You are physically fit but mentally challenged.”
“HEY!”

Yo! Man

2005-05-04T22:15:00.000-04:00

“Yo! Man. Whasup in the hood?”
“What? I beg your pardon. What did you just say?”
“I was just asking how you were doing?
“That is not proper English. Looks like you are picking up the street lingo.”
“That’s how many boys in my class are talking nowadays.”
“How interesting? Tell me what does this word “Yo” means?”
“It can mean different things, like “Yeah”, “Yes”, “You”, “Hi” or “Hey”. Most of the time you also move your arm, pointing your index and middle fingers down when you say,“Yo”.
“Why the motion of the arm and hand?”
“I don’t know, it is just the body language that goes with it.”
“Young lady! You are going to refrain from that. It is just not right for the girls to be using street language.”
“Why is it O.K. for the boys but not for the girls?”
“Boys use that language to show that they are street smart and tough. Girls don’t need that.”
“But we can be street smart and tough too!”
“Girl, let me ax you somtin! What you trippin for? Be easy! Ya know what I‘am sayin, dawg? Ya cool wit dat?”
“a’ight, Dad, I am cool wit dat.”

Sharp focus

2005-05-03T22:38:00.000-04:00

“Could you please focus here. I am talking to you.”
“Hhn! What did you just say?”
“See! You are not attentive at all. This seems to be the problem with all kids of this generation. They simply do not listen. Did you understand what we were discussing?”
“There is no “we” here and likewise no “discussion” happened.”
“Really? I thought that we were having a one-to-one talk. Anyway, did you get the point?"
“Dad, you were the only one delivering a speech for the last twenty minutes or so and you were like, going on and on. I lost you a long time ago.”

Freedom of speech

2005-05-02T09:16:00.000-04:00

“Dad! Do you say everything that comes to your mind?”
“I would like to, but life has taught me to amend my ways.”
“So, do you think long before you say something?”
“Uhnnn! Occasionally! I still have not perfected the technique. I guess I am still a lot like you.”
“I am appalled to hear that, but on a positive note, I am relieved as well.”
“How come?”
“Now I know that I have taken after you.”

A regular life

2005-05-01T09:14:00.000-04:00

"So! How's life, Dad?”
“O.K. I guess! Pretty much regular, you know!”
“How come?”
“Well! You get up in the morning, go to work and work like a dog all day. Then you come back in the evening, prepare your food and eat it. After that, you do the dishes, clean up your mess and hit the bed. The next day you start all over it again.”
“That's not "regular" life. That's your life.”

Insomnia

2005-04-29T10:26:00.000-04:00

“It is time to sleep. It is already past eleven.”
“I do not have school tomorrow. Can I sleep later?”
“No! It is way past your bedtime.”
“Could I finish watching this program, it’s my favorite TV program?”
“No! Turn off the TV and get in the bed.”
“Can I read a book, then?”
“Too late for that."
"No time for bedtime stories, either, I guess?"
"Don’t you understand that it is time to sleep and that usually means an end to all activities? Turn off the lights right now.”
“Touchy, touchy. You don’t have to be that bossy. Does it ever occur to you that I might have insomnia?”
“Be quiet. Get in the bed right now and take off your glasses before you go to sleep.”
“Can I keep them on? I want to have clear dreams.”

Male ego

2005-04-22T23:29:00.000-04:00

“Boys in my class are so sure of themselves that they try to answer every question even though they don’t have a clue about the question.”
“You are right. It’s typical of boys and men in general.”
“Why do they do that?”
“Well, it has something to do with their pride and ego. A classic example is not asking for directions if you are lost.”
“That is weird.”
“I agree. That sure is dumb.”
“You know Dad! You do that too.”

Museum piece

2005-04-21T21:13:00.000-04:00

"Guess what? I am going to see the Museum of the Fine Arts."
"Who are you going with?"
"It's a school trip."
"Sounds like fun!"
"Yeah sure... Who wants to see old pieces of junk?"
"Why? I find the exhibit of "mummies" fascinating."
"See, that's what makes us different."
"I am sure you'll find something that would interest you."
"Not a chance. Hopefully, I’ll be back soon."
"I won't count on that. They might want to keep you there."
"How mean!"
"That’s your dad."

Girlie-man

2005-04-17T11:57:00.001-04:00

“Dad! I really like that singer, “Ciara”. She sings pretty well, but they say that she is transsexual? What does that mean?”
“Transexuals are people who desire to have their sexual anatomy altered because it is in conflict with their gender identity.”
“You use too many big words. Simple English please.”
“Well, it means a person who experiences a mismatch of the sex they were born as and the sex they identify as. A "woman trapped in a man's body" is a classic description. Sometimes they seek to have their sex changed opposite to their birth sex.”
“That is too complicated. I don't know if Ciara is a “He” or a “She?” If she is a man, then she is a pretty man. As Arnold Schwarzenegger says, she is a “girlie-man”.
“I guess, these are two different things. He used that term to blast the liberals for their pessimism on economic issues.”
“What... ? I think I’ll go do my homework.”

Body building

2005-04-16T07:50:00.000-04:00

“We had a physical fitness test today in school and I did 23 push-ups. Only one girl was ahead of me. She did 28.”
“That sounds like a lot to me.”
“Not really. I also did 21 sit-ups. It is good for your body. Dad! I want to do it for the rest of my life.”
“Rest of your life?”
“Yeah. Come on, feel my toned biceps.”
“Hmmm. You are not thinking of becoming a female body builder. Are you?”
“Ewww. No way. I don’t think they look nice. A woman looks like a man and a man looks like a gorilla.”
“I agree. A bulge here and a bulge there. I think the only muscle they need to work on is their brain.”
“Brain does not have muscle.”
“That explains a lot. Isn’t it?”

Dancing with the music

2005-04-15T06:46:00.000-04:00

"What are you doing? Dad?"
"I am listening to music."
"What kind of music is that?"
"It is hard rock, from the 70’s."
"Who can listen to this kind of music? It is really old."
"Well, it has stood the test of time. It is actually cool but you young kids fail to appreciate that as valid music."
"You can listen to whatever you like but could you stop flailing your arms and shaking your head like that?"
"Why? I was just dancing with the music."
"You are embarrassing me. People are watching. What kind of dance is that anyway?"
"It is my own personal style. You basically, go with the flow. Moves are simple. I feel that there cannot be many possible dance moves or combinations because you have only two arms and legs."
"It sure is simple enough. For a minute, I actually thought you might be having a migraine attack or a seizure."

Recycling

2005-04-14T02:29:00.000-04:00

"Dad! Where are you going?"
"I am going to the dump site a.k.a "Recycling Station" to throw trash."
"Can I come with you?"
"No. They do not recycle unruly kids."

Useless stuff

2005-04-12T21:09:00.000-04:00

"Dad! I am going out with my friends to uptown."
"O.K. Make sure you have the keys so that you can get back in the house, and while you are at it, pack your brains as well. You may need to use it once in a while, especially when you are out partying with your friends."
"Dad! I do have the keys but not the brain."
"Why, what happened to the brain?"
"I sold it on Ebay…"
"Not a bad idea. You were not using it much anyway. It was just sitting there collecting dust. Did you get many bidders?"
"No. Not really. Kids my age are not interested in things like that."

Music junkies

2005-04-10T11:10:00.000-04:00

"IPOD’s are so cool."
"Really, how so?"
"Well, you listen to all the songs that you want, whenever and wherever you go. You have it on you all the times. You can share it with your friends."
"How about the radio? Don’t they play it on the FM all day long?"
"They do not always play the ones that you like to hear."
"Nevertheless, they serve the broader audience and play what most people like to hear?"
"Yeah, but you would still like to have the choices that you want."
"“Choices” seems like an over-hyped word here. Picking a song is not really a life-saving choice. It should not matter much, anyway."
"It does, for us. Believe me."
"I am not convinced about the utility of this gadget. I never needed one of these when I was growing up."
"Poor Dad! You had nothing when you were a kid. My heart goes for you."
"Now, don’t you make me cry, O.K. I was all right then and I grew up to be fine."
"If you say so!"

(Silence)

"Dad! Look at this one, this is so amazing, it stores 10,000 songs."
"Why would anybody want to store 10,000 songs? Are there that many songs out there to begin with? That sounds like an over kill to me."
"You have no idea that there are lot and lots of good songs out there."
"But are they really good and worth listening? I really do not feel that you need to listen to every bum street artist wearing pants down to their knees, aspiring to become the next American idol singing songs like "Shake Ya Ass". Let them prove themselves first."
"I would still like to buy it. Where is your credit card?"
"Hey, wait a second. Think about other costs as well. Storage requires downloading and downloading a song costs almost a dollar. Are you sure that you want to spend 10,000 dollars?"
"I won’t spend that much in a month. Don't worry, I’ll take it slow. I promise. Don’t you love me?"

The selection process

2005-04-06T23:30:00.000-04:00

"Dad! Help me out here. What should I wear tomorrow?"
"Wear anything that is comfortable."
"It is not as simple as you put it. There are choices to be made here and I could use some help."
"Hmmm. All right. Wear this dress."
"I don’ like the color. It’s too dull for me."
"This one is bright enough. Isn't it?"
"Good thinking, but I have already worn that dress twice."
"O.K. Try this one."
"Dad! You don’t know anything about what girls are wearing nowadays. This is way too old fashioned."
"What do mean? You bought it earlier this year, if my memory serves me right."
"See! It’s old. It is already out of fashion."
"Let’s try this. This one suits you."
"This does not match with my hair band."
"Try this one on. It definitely has nice colors."
"It is going to be in the 50’s tomorrow. This dress is way too warm!"
"How about this one?"
"I can’t wear this. This one is exactly my size."
"Why not?"
"I need to wear two sizes smaller."
"That is confusing. Why can’t you wear your own size?"
"That is not the way girls dress up. You don’t understand girls!"
"All right! Is this dress small enough for you?"
"It is nice, but It does not work for me."
"Why not?"
"Two of my class mates got that same dress as well. It is now too common. Everyone seems to be wearing it."
"Well, factories don’t usually shut down after making only one dress."
"I want to look unique. I can’t wear anything that is common. Could you suggest something else!"
"Ahhh. I am sure this shirt is going to look nice on you!"
"I can’t decide. Should I wear a shirt or a T-shirt?"
"What’s the difference?"
"If I wear a T-shirt then I have to wear a jacket on top of it."
"Why do you have to wear a jacket? You already said that it was going to be warm."
"You are so out of touch. Ever heard of term “layers” for dressing?"
"If you can’t decide on one piece of clothing, then don’t you think that this layering concept actually adds more complexity to this whole selection process?"
"Dad! You are not being very supportive. I am your only little daughter. Can't you come up with a better idea?"
"Here it is. I have finally found just the right thing for you. It’s a straight jacket. You can beat the design and functionality of this dress. Let me help you put that on."

Play date

2005-04-04T22:59:00.000-04:00

"Dad! I am bored."
"What can I do? I am open to suggestions."
"Can I have a play date with my friend? I did not have a play date in more than two weeks."
"What’s the big deal? I didn’t have a play date in years."
"Poor dad! You must be very lonely."

Vigilantism

2005-04-02T23:13:00.000-05:00

"What are you doing? Something I should know about?"
"Nothing much! Why don’t you go to sleep?"
"Dad! You are eating. Again!"
"What’s wrong with that?"
"You already ate your dinner. Hellooo."
"I was not hungry at that time."
"That was certainly not the impression I got. You even ate my leftovers."
"Give your dad a break, will you."
"Let me go and wake up mom."
"Hold on, hold on. It is not really a big deal. Whose side are you on anyway?"
"Mom! Mom!"

Excuses, excuses

2005-03-29T14:05:00.000-05:00

"I have a headache and my nose is running."
"Hmmm!"
"My throat is scratchy, my voice is breaking up. Maybe I have laryngitis?"
"You seem all right. You’ll feel better once you wash your face and have breakfast."
"I have washed my face already. It didn’t help."
"How about nice healthy breakfast?"
"I am not hungry. I am feeling very weak and my neck is hurting. I think I have a fever! Can I not go to school today?"
"Come here. Let me check. Hmmm! Your forehead is actually cooler than my hand. If you are running a fever, then I am having a heat stroke."
"You never take me seriously!"
"I am taking you and this situation very seriously. The rule of thumb that my father used to employ in such situations was very simple."
"And what was that?"
"He would say “You don’t have to go to school, if you are dead"."
"I am not dead, yet. Besides, this strict rule seems like child abuse."
"I never thought like that when I was your age. School is fun."
"I beg to differ!"
"Get ready. Discussion is over."

(Pause)

"Unhhhh! Why do children have to go to school?"
"Listen! You are basically sentenced to spend at least fifteen years of your life in school and college. The sooner you finish this, the better it is. Plus, there is a slim chance that you might actually learn a thing or two."
"Fifteen years! That is not fair!"
"Look at the bright side. If you were in an Amazon forest embedded with Kayapo tribe, you won’t have to go to school but you would rather spend your day running around naked hunting for food."
"That sounds totally cool!"
"How about living without electricity, clean running water or bathroom facilities? They definitely do not use hair dryers, cell phones, internet and sneakers with lights. You won't survive a day."

(Silence)

"I am feeling a little better already. I guess I can go to school. Can you pick me up earlier than usual? I may get sick again."

Squabbles in the digital age

2005-03-28T10:37:00.000-05:00

"I am never going to chat with her again. I don’t know why does she behave like that?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I am chatting with my "friend" online. She is bothering me big time and I had to block her, but she keeps on changing her screen name so even when I block her, she comes back alive online bugging me. She seems to have more than nine lives."
"Looks like you have a situation here!"
"It is not that serious, Dad. It is just too annoying. Did you have cat fights like that when you were growing up?"
"Well, not exactly. Internet did not exist when I was your age. No computer, no email, and no chatting or instant messaging. Life was rather simple."
"Sounds pretty boring to me!"
"Actually, I never felt it that way. All my contacts were “non-electronic” and fully human."
"So, how would you get into a fight, then?"
"Well, the only way to fight was to be mean to someone on the street and you usually would end up getting a bloody nose."
"Eww……"
"Yeah! Boys realize early on that if they want to keep their teeth in their mouth they must avoid street fights. They don’t do cat fights either because that is not macho enough for them. They fight for bigger things, like girls, money or land. It’s not worth loosing your teeth over small stuff. Isn’t it?"
"You are so right. All my girlfriends are so emotional, but boys are cool. May be I should have boys as friends?"
"Ahh! On second thought, sticking with your girl friends for now does not seem like a bad idea after all. You can handle a few cat fights, I guess!"

Picky eater

2005-03-24T02:03:00.000-05:00

"I can’t eat that food."
"Why, what’s wrong with it."
"It has meat in it."
"You used to eat meat all the time, what has changed?"
"I guess I am turning into a vegetarian."
"Meat is protein, it forms the building blocks of the body. You definitely need proteins for growth."
"I just don’t like meat anymore."
"Look at the animal world; meat eating animals are powerful, fast and really good-looking."
"Hmmm! Really?"
"Take for example, the lion, tiger, and cheetah. They are carnivores. They eat meat, not grass. Infact, they eat the grass-eating animals. On the other hand, the animals who are vegetarians are big, fat, black and ugly."
"Noooh! Is that really true?"
"Have you ever noticed an elephant, a hippo or a rhino. They munch on grass and leaves all the time. You don’t see them doing a catwalk or winning any beauty contests. Do you?"
"Fine, fine… You have made your point. I’ll eat meat, I guess."
"Good, I am glad, it’s settled. Now could you pass me the salad please?"

Shiny spot

2005-03-21T16:07:00.000-05:00

"Dad! What’s that shiny spot? Are you loosing hair?"
"Where? Let me take a look."
"Right here, in the back of your head."
"Whoa! I guess the time has come. It’s finally decided. I am going bald."
"I wish you to have gray hair rather than loose hair."
"You don’t want your dad to go bald?"
"No."
"Why! I always wanted a shiny spot at the top of my head."
"Really?"
"You know, it helps in direct communication. Your brain is more exposed to the outside world with one less barrier of hair."
"Are you serious?"
"See, you have a thick body of hair on your head and nothing gets across that easily."
"How rude! So, now you want me to shave my head?"
"Houston. Houston. Your voice is breaking up. We have a communication problem here."

Ghosts

2005-03-20T22:12:00.000-05:00

"Classical music is for the haunted."
"What? Say it again."
"You did not know that?"
"No, in fact, I never heard such a strong statement against classical music in my entire life."
"My friend sees ghosts when she listens to classical music."
"This is a fresh one. What kind of ghosts does she see?"
"The usual type! You know the Scooby-doo type."
"People make stories all the time. Have you ever seen one yourself?"
"No, but I hear voices all the time."
"Hmmm! What kind of voices?"
"I want this. I want that. Give me that or else."
"Nahhh! You must have heard your mom."

Shopping pleasures

2005-03-16T22:47:00.000-05:00

"Let’s go shopping! You needed a few things. I have made a list already."
"Nah ahn! I am not going with you."
"Why not?"
"Shopping is no fun with you."
"What do I do? Tell me."
"Sorry to break your heart but you are very annoying. You ruin all the fun."
"Really?"
"You don’t like anything. Most things are useless in your opinion. You worry about the cost and then you want to get out of the mall in twenty minutes. This is not the way girls shop. I am going with mom?"
"And what would I do in the meantime?"
"Mommy says that you need to go to the dump site to throw trash? See ya."

Body image

2005-03-15T15:27:00.001-05:00

"Dad! I think Michael Jackson is a psycho."
"Why so?"
"Did you look at his face lately? He looks like an ugly white woman."
"It sure looks like he has been under the knife many times."
"I saw his pictures when he was a young boy. He had a huge nose."
"So, you think he was justified to change his appearance?"
"I don’t know what that word “justified” means. Simple English please."
"You think it was O.K for him to have cosmetic surgery?"
"I have a big nose too. Do you see me going for cosmetic surgery?"
"Good. I am happy to note that you and your nose are well-adjusted."
"Why do people want to change their appearance anyway?"
"I guess it has something to do with poor body image. You know, you get up in the morning and look yourself up in the mirror, and you don’t like what you see."
"You look horrible in the morning too. Do you like what you see?"

Asexual reproduction

2005-03-12T21:15:00.000-05:00

"How was school?"
"Good."
"What did you learn today?"
"We learned some stuff in science class."
"Like what?"
"We learned a few things about single-celled organisms like amoeba."
"That sounds like fun."
"No it was actually really boring. There are no sexes. Are they gay?"
"I don't really know. But don't they reproduce?"
"Yeah. I thought it was cool the way they multiply. They eat and then divide by asexual reproduction."
"I wonder if humans could multiply like that, life could have been much simpler."
"No, it would be really freaky. Imagine people splitting up in the middle. Like, you come out of a restaurant and BOOM."

Truth hurts

2005-03-12T20:17:00.000-05:00

"I have big hands."
"You have big hands and feet. It’s your head that is small."
"I guess I have taken after you, Dad. Your head is small too."
"It may be small but it contains a large brain. See, it is already bursting at its seams."
"Nope, you’re mistaking it for your belly. It’s not your head, but it’s your belly that is bursting."

The issue of pimples

2005-03-10T23:29:00.000-05:00

"I am getting a pimple on my forehead and it is getting bigger and bigger. Would that go away by tomorrow?"
"Well, by tomorrow, it may get bigger, stays the same or with some luck might decrease in size."
"That's not helping!"
"I don’t think that any serious emotional support is needed here; after all it is one tiny pimple."
"It's not tiny. See it's big, really big."
"I can’t really see it. Where is it?"
"See, its right here. It's on a part of my face, called the "forehead"."
"Where?"
"Get your glasses."
"Ohhh, that one."
"You're not taking me seriously! A pimple is a huge problem! Hellooo? Have you ever gotten pimples yourself?"
"I have had my fair share of pimples. I probably got hundreds of them during my pubescent years. I was like a "pimple farm", a fresh crop emerging every week. I remember getting a big one on the tip of my nose close to my 18th birthday."
"Eww...What did you do?"
"Well, I would ignore the smaller ones but the big ones: these would require some drastic measures."
"What "drastic measures"?"
"You know mostly sophisticated techniques such as wrenching or gouging or a combination of these two. I got mixed results."
"Yeah sure... Did you make all that up?"
"No. Well, may be I exaggerated about the size of them."
"You are not helping. Am I going to develop more pimples?"
"It runs in families? Your mom still gets a lot of them. Doesn’t she? You must have acquired the “pimple genes” from both parents."
"That is scary!"
"You would stop worrying about that one pimple, once you have more."
"How could I go to school with a face studded with pimples?"
"That does not sound like a valid reason to quit school."
"You don't know what it's like to have a pimple when you're a girl."
"What does this have anything to do with being a girl?"
"Pimples are important to girls. They leave both physical and emotional scars."
"I understand that. All I am trying to say is that life is bigger than a pimple on the forehead."

Parenting an 11 year old

2005-03-06T03:43:00.000-05:00

"Can I have contacts?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"They are expensive."
"What If I give up my monthly allowance for 6 months?"
"No you still are not getting contacts."
"Why not?"
"They are difficult to take care off."
"I can take care of the contacts. Every girl in my class has them and they are probably half as careful as I am."
"You are not getting the contacts, even if every blind person in the city has them."
"Blind people don't wear contacts."
"Exactly."
"So can I have contacts for my next birthday?"
"No way, not till you are eighteen."
"Is there any way I can convince you to buy me contacts?"
"No, I can’t think of any."
"Ok, I’ll talk to mom."
"Hold on, maybe we ought to discuss it a little bit more."