Inquiry

"Did you drop me on my head several times when I was a baby?"
"No. Not that I can remember."
"Really. Are you sure?"
"I am positive, but had it happened, it would have explained a lot of things. Isn't it?"

Persistance

"Can I have contacts?"
"This the umpteenth time you asked for the same thing and you know my answer."
"And what would that be?"
"No way. You are not getting those till you reach eighteen."
"Can I have them at my next birthday? I can't wait for years."
"Don't you get tired of repeating yourself? This is very annoying."
"I don't see it that way. I think that I am being very persistent. Isn't this the only way to get what you want in life?"

True Love

"I am sad for my friend. Her parents are getting divorced."
"That is very sad, indeed."
"You know that I have been to her house many times, had play dates and even had sleepovers but never noticed anything unusual. Her mom and dad were always nice and polite. They seemed like a normal couple."
"Hmm, sometimes the signs of trouble are more than skin deep. Tell me, did they talk to each other or engage in conversations?"
"No. They were kind of quiet."
"Did you notice them having any discussions, emotional outbursts or even fights?"
"Not that I can remember."
"It seems that, as a couple, they were not even engaged at all with each other. Heated discussions and intense fights, if done correctly, are signs of healthy marriage as it simply indicates the willingness of both parties to resolve issues and conflicts.”

Pause

"Dad, are you trying to say that you and mommy have true love?"

Anti-social

"Dad, can I buy this cell phone. It allows multi-party talk and it plays games as well."
"I can understand the interest in games but why do you need to talk to many people at the same time?"
"Why? That is very usual for girls. The more the merrier."
"To be honest, I sometimes find it difficult to talk to just one single person at a time."
"You are not very social, are you?"

One fine saturday morning

"There are hair everywhere."
"Why have you started grumbling so early in the morning? God! It's not even ten."
"I am not grumbling, just trying to voice my concerns."
"What's the big deal about hair?"
"I am sick of cleaning and vaccuming. I find hair everywhere. To be honest, I cannot decide who sheds more hair in this house? You or your cat?"
"Don't blame the poor cat and it's not even me. You are the one who is going bald. Now go back to sleep."

Pause

"You know, you sounded like your mom."

Image conscious

"Your pants are completely out of style. I can't imagine that you bought those. What were you thinking?"
"Why? What's wrong with my pants?"
"They are from the 80's. Nobody wears them anymore."
"I wouldn't have noticed. They just complement my wardrobe."
"Dad, your wardrobe is totally dated. We need to get you some new clothes."
"I am fine. I don’t need anything."

Pause

"How do you shop for things?"
"I buy things only when they are really needed and are of good quality."
"And extremely cheap too. You cannot overlook that."
"True. But let's use the terms "economical" or "good value" here rather than "cheap". It is euphemism but in a way helps the image."
"Dad, if you really cared about the image, you wouldn't have bought those pants in the first place."

Marriage license

"Dad, is it true that you need to get a license in order to get married?"
"Yes, some towns and cities would even require you to take a three hour marriage course before they would issue you a marriage license."
"Does it help?"
"I don't know. It may scare some potential wannabe couples prompting them to scratch out their plans for marriage."
"So, basically they chicken out?"
"Well, you can't blame them. They probably live happily afterwards."

Denial

"Tell me dad, how come you never learned how to swim?"
"I know how to swim; it's just that I can't keep my head above water for long."
"Would you like me to teach you?"
"No, thanks."
"We'll stay in the kiddie pool, in four feet water, I promise."

Royal blood

Eww! The salad has tomatoes. I am not eating it."
"You need to give it a try. It is healthy food."
"Some other time, perhaps. Can you make me something else?"
"You know, I never complain about food. Whatever is available, I would eat it."
"I know you are not picky. You would eat anything and everything and it shows."
"You are such a royal pain."
"Why thank you! I always knew I had royal blood in me."

Career Choices

"Can I be a politician when I grow up?"
"Why not? I guess anyone can have a shot at that."
"What are the requirements?"
"Nothing extraordinary. Some school and some college. No star quality really, is required. You have to be lucky and being from a rich family with contacts, would not hurt either."
"What exactly is the job of a politician?"
"Well, you definitely need to be able to predict things how they will happen and then be able to explain later why they did not happen the way you predicted."
"Hmmm! Is that all, really?"
"Pretty much. Even George Bernard Shaw once commiserated about such an aspiring person. He said, "He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career."
"Are you pointing towards Bush?"
"Ssssh!"

Inheritance patterns

"My friend has different colored eyes, one is blue and the other is green. Why is that. Is she a mutant?"
"Nah..! What's the color of her parents eyes?"
"I guess, they have blue and brown eyes."
"She most likely inherited it. Eye color is dependant on the expression of 6 or more genes exhibiting a polygenic inheritance patern."
"What!... Sounds way too complex. Is there a simpler explanation?"
"Yeah! She has one glass eye."

Culinary skills

“Good food. Dad, your cooking has improved a lot.”
“Thanks. It takes time to develop culinary skills. It was not like that in my earlier years.”
“How was it, then?"
“Two words: Quick and dirty. During the student years, you firmly believe that cooking anything longer than five minutes is a complete waste of time.”
“So what would you do to save time?”
“I tried microwaving an egg once.”
“Did it work?”
“Time wise? No, it did not work out that well. The egg was splattered all over, and cleaning up the resultant mess took an hour."
“What else did you try?”
“I would eat a frozen pizza without really bothering to warm it up and for the first few times that I cooked, I nearly always had to vacate the building along with all the other residents."
"Why the evacuation?"
"You don't expect me to remain in a building that is full of smoke. Do you?"

Finally some solutions

"Did you watch the news, lately?"
"Yes, I did."
"Why are people blowing themselves up?"
"Who knows!"
"Do you think they are angry at something?"
"They might be. But we all know that "anger" is unhealthy and usually misdirected."
"Don't they know that we have "pillows" for that?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know, the anger pillows; you squeeze them when you are angry. May be they can put on the boxing gloves and punch the bag or play soccer. Gosh, just have to hit the ball a little harder."

Vision problems

"Can you see your feet while standing up?"
"Not really. Give me my glasses? You know I am near sighted."
"Dad, it has nothing to do with vision, it's your belly that is in the way."

Issues with tanning

"Why are you staying in shade? It's a nice sunny day."
"No thanks, I am fine here."
"Don't you want to get tanned?"
"You know, when fair skinned people get a tan, people think that they recently came back from an exotic vacation spot, or have spent time on sunny warm beach resorts such as French Riviera or Caribbean. It becomes a status symbol. People love to talk about what they did or did not do on that vacation."
"What does this has to do with you?"
"Any more tanning than my original natural skin color, and I would be fending off questions from people about my recent trip to Niger."

Just in case

"You like my ponytail?"
"I have always liked you in ponytail. I think it suits all little girls. They look real cute."
"Did you make my pony tails when I was younger?"
"Yes, I did. They never seem to come out right, though. You always complained."
"Well, those pony tails were kind of loose and off-center and you would leave lots of hair out. Look, dad, let me show you how to make it. Real tight and nice."
"I don't need to know how to make a pony tail, not anymore. You have learned to do it yourself and I don't have enough hair for my own."
"Still, you should learn, just in case you want to have another daughter."

Conversation

"Dad. Dad. Wake up. Let's go home."
"Home, why?"
"The movie has ended. It's time to go home."
"Oh! OK.”

Pause

"It was a nice movie, isn’t it? Full of suspense and mystery. I really liked the ending; it was kind of unexpected. Did you like it?"
"Dad, you were practically asleep during the whole movie. I had to elbow you a couple of times to stop you from snoring, and now you want an intelligent conversation over the movie. Hellooo?"

Missing friends

"You used to have lots of friends, not anymore. What happened?"
"I guess it’s mostly work and stuff that keeps me occupied. I am sure they are busy in their lives too."
"Where are they? anyway."
"Most are doing time. Ahh! Just kidding."
"Seriously dad, where are they?"
"They are all married."

Logical reasons

"Dad, why do people marry?"
"A marriage often happens when people are in love and they want to spend the rest of their lives with each other."
"So, you have to be in love in order to get married?"
"Not necessarily. Marriages can happen for logical reasons as well."
“Logical reasons?”
“Well, people are known to marry for commitment, to start a family or as part of their culture. Sometimes they marry just to advance their careers or simply for money.”
“How stupid? I think that being in love is the best reason.”
“I agree, though, this should not be the only reason and I can quote George Bernard Shaw on that."
"What did he say?"
"He said, "It is most unwise for people in love to marry."
“I am sure he died a lonely bachelor."

Weird men

"Your friends are weird. They treat me like a 3-year old. It’s good that you don't visit them often."
"All right, protest noted. The next time I see them, I'll tell them to behave."
"Good. It's men like them who get on my nerves."