Mummification theory

“I have an idea about what those mummies really are!”
“Educate me.”
“We know that those ancient Egyptians were very advanced. They were able to build “Pyramids” without the use of modern machinery and equipment. I think that the mummification process was also an evidence of their superior technological skills.”
“Go on!”
“I think that the mummies are in fact cases of extreme makeovers that went wrong.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Dad! Haven’t you seen the TV programs where they do extensive cosmetic surgeries, like “Swan” where they would take an ugly duckling and transform her into a hottie. Didn't you notice that they wrap them up in bandages from head to toe, exactly like mummies.”

Sleeplessness

"I can’t sleep."
"Why, what’s the problem?"
"I think, I am scared."
"Scared of what?"
"I don’t know."
"Hmmm. Did you hear any strange sounds?"
"No."
"Did you happen to see a shadow, a strange object, a UFO or something?"
"No. I did not see any such thing."
"Did you see anything out of the ordinary?"
"Nope."
"Did you, by any chance, happen to see yourself in the mirror?"
"Hey!"
"Then, I guess, it should be fine. There are not many scary things out there."

Changing trends

“You are watching soaps!”
“All the girls of my age are doing that. Who wants to watch "Fear factor anymore?”
“Interesting! I guess the days of reality TV shows are over.”
“It appears like that. Did you notice by any chance that the “Desperate housewives” is now a prime time show?”
“No. In fact,I did not know that. I wonder when they are going to produce a show name “Desperate househusbands?”

Common ailments

“Could you help your dad in the yard cleanup?”
“I would like to but I really don’t feel well."
"Why! What happened?"
"I have a headache.”
“Where is the headache?”
“It’s all around the head, and it gets worse when I shake my head. I feel like my head is spinning.”
“When did it start?”
“About, just now.”
“Quite convenient!”
“Why do I have headaches like that? This is not the first time. I mean it could be serious?”
“Ahh! I don't think these are serious, in fact these are quite common. Unhelpful kids are usually the ones affected. They seem to get better with age.”

Non-believer

“You take good pictures. How come you don’t do it anymore?”
“I used to do a lot of photography when I was not a father. But when you were born, I would carry you everywhere we went instead of my camera bag, different lenses and the heavy tripod."
“Dad! Now I am old enough to drag my feet. You don’t have to carry me anymore. Feel free to pursue your hobbies again.”
“You are right. I can start again. I remember there was a girl who wanted me to take her pictures as a model, but I refused.”
“You are probably making this up.”
“No! I guess she wanted to go out with me or something.”
“In your dreams.”
“Why? Come to think of it, she was actually hot.”
“Liar.”

New friend

“I made a new friend today.”
“Good. Is she nice?”
“She is great. We became best friends the minute we met each other.”
“Sound likes great chemistry between you two!”
“Yeah. I like her very much. You know dad! The first thing she told me was that I was pretty.”
“Oh. No wonder you think she is your best friend?”

Evolution

“Why are you walking like that?”
“Why! How am I walking?”
“You know, with your head down, back arched and shoulders down taking long heavy steps.”
“This is the walk of an important “Neanderthal Man” who is also the head of his tribe.”
“Dad! Are you forgetting something? We evolved a long time ago. Hellooo.”

Father-daughter relationship

“My throat is very scratchy. I don’t feel good at all. I think I should not go to school today.”
“Get ready, we are leaving for school in the next five minutes.”
“You don’t really care. What if I would die there today?”
“Hmmm! Considering the sudden onset, complexity and the grave nature of your acute illness, I don’t think it is highly probable. In all likelihood, you’ll survive today and probably will continue to remain a pain for years to come.”
“Do you have any idea that this tough attitude of yours is negatively affecting our father-daughter relationship?”

Cheapskate

“My friend was wearing a nice dress today. She told me that she got it from a thrift store.”
“It’s her choice.”
“But her parents make good money. She can afford to buy stuff at a regular shop.”
“There is nothing wrong with getting stuff from a thrift store. Sometimes you get bargains. Think of it as a garage sale. Besides, not all people can shop at high end stores.”
“You won’t mind me getting anything from a thrift store?”
“Not at all. In fact, that might be a good thing. You know, your dad is thrifty too.”
“No. You are not thrifty, you are a cheapskate.”
“What’s the difference?”
“A thrifty person wants to buy things cheap, while a cheapskate like you does not want to spend any money at all.”

Can't we all get along?

“I am sorry for my friend. She has no friends anymore.”
“None, whatsoever?”
“Yeah! I guess I was the last one who bailed out on her.”
“Sad. Isn’t it?”
“You know, there seems to be a reason why she does not have any.”
“Sometimes people have difficulty getting along with other people. It happens frequently in marriages. People don’t get along. I understand that it is hard for you.”
“Dad, it’s not like I am getting a divorce here. Hellooo! Iam not married to her.”

Aspirations

“You know, it is good to have aspirations. One should have goals and plans for the life ahead. When I was growing up, I always thought of becoming a surgeon.”
"Why did you want to be a surgeon, dad?"
"Surgery is a skill, its craftsmanship. I always wanted to do something with my hands."
"Pervert."

Pay up

"You know, you owe me my pocket money for this month."
"Didn't I give it to you already?"
"Nope. In fact you owe me for the last month as well."
"Really?"
"I am sorry, dad. But you have to pay up."
"Why are you sorry? It is your right. This is something we agreed upon. Didn't we?"
"I know that you agreed on principals but it still hurts to pay up. Isn't it?"

Another blow

“Did you check my blog lately?”
“I have tons of homework. Sorry! Didn’t have the time.”
“Lots of people are reading it. I just checked it. The traffic is really picking up.”
“I am sure dad, it’s mostly you visiting your own blog every five minutes.”

Blunt advice

“Hey! Don’t stand like that.”
“Why? What seems to be the problem?”
“You need to do jogging or something. You look very fat, I am sorry to say that, Dad.”
“I think this shirt is tight on me making me look that way.”
“Nope. You actually look pregnant standing like that with your back arched.”
“Really?”
“Really. Really. Now don’t look so proud. Do something about it.”

Confusion

“Dad! Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“What is a biosexual?”
“Biosexual? Oh, you mean; bisexual? Isn’t.”
“Yeah, whatever.”

The usual type of stuff

“How was school today?”
“Good. We had gym today.”
“Must have been fun! What did you do there?”
“Things."
“What things?”
“The usual type.”
“The usual type! What type is that?
“Routine stuff, you know.”
“What kind of stuff and what type of routine?”
“The regular kind.”
“Could you be more specific and describe for me the usual type of things or the routine, regular stuff that you did today at school during your gym class?”
“Ahh! Why communicating with parents is that difficult? If that’s what you want then why didn’t you say so in the first place?”
“I was trying.”
“Anyway! You basically do simple stuff.”
“Simple stuff! Here we go again. Could you please just respond to the earlier question?”
“Okay, okay. Patience. It’s like; you do sit-ups, chin-ups and push-ups. You also jump up and down and run around. I actually ran a mile today. What do you think Dad? Am I physically fit?”
“You are physically fit but mentally challenged.”
“HEY!”

Yo! Man

“Yo! Man. Whasup in the hood?”
“What? I beg your pardon. What did you just say?”
“I was just asking how you were doing?
“That is not proper English. Looks like you are picking up the street lingo.”
“That’s how many boys in my class are talking nowadays.”
“How interesting? Tell me what does this word “Yo” means?”
“It can mean different things, like “Yeah”, “Yes”, “You”, “Hi” or “Hey”. Most of the time you also move your arm, pointing your index and middle fingers down when you say,“Yo”.
“Why the motion of the arm and hand?”
“I don’t know, it is just the body language that goes with it.”
“Young lady! You are going to refrain from that. It is just not right for the girls to be using street language.”
“Why is it O.K. for the boys but not for the girls?”
“Boys use that language to show that they are street smart and tough. Girls don’t need that.”
“But we can be street smart and tough too!”
“Girl, let me ax you somtin! What you trippin for? Be easy! Ya know what I‘am sayin, dawg? Ya cool wit dat?”
“a’ight, Dad, I am cool wit dat.”

Sharp focus

“Could you please focus here. I am talking to you.”
“Hhn! What did you just say?”
“See! You are not attentive at all. This seems to be the problem with all kids of this generation. They simply do not listen. Did you understand what we were discussing?”
“There is no “we” here and likewise no “discussion” happened.”
“Really? I thought that we were having a one-to-one talk. Anyway, did you get the point?"
“Dad, you were the only one delivering a speech for the last twenty minutes or so and you were like, going on and on. I lost you a long time ago.”

Freedom of speech

“Dad! Do you say everything that comes to your mind?”
“I would like to, but life has taught me to amend my ways.”
“So, do you think long before you say something?”
“Uhnnn! Occasionally! I still have not perfected the technique. I guess I am still a lot like you.”
“I am appalled to hear that, but on a positive note, I am relieved as well.”
“How come?”
“Now I know that I have taken after you.”

A regular life

"So! How's life, Dad?”
“O.K. I guess! Pretty much regular, you know!”
“How come?”
“Well! You get up in the morning, go to work and work like a dog all day. Then you come back in the evening, prepare your food and eat it. After that, you do the dishes, clean up your mess and hit the bed. The next day you start all over it again.”
“That's not "regular" life. That's your life.”