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Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Image conscious


"Your pants are completely out of style. I can't imagine that you bought those. What were you thinking?"
"Why? What's wrong with my pants?"
"They are from the 80's. Nobody wears them anymore."
"I wouldn't have noticed. They just complement my wardrobe."
"Dad, your wardrobe is totally dated. We need to get you some new clothes."
"I am fine. I don’t need anything."

Pause

"How do you shop for things?"
"I buy things only when they are really needed and are of good quality."
"And extremely cheap too. You cannot overlook that."
"True. But let's use the terms "economical" or "good value" here rather than "cheap". It is euphemism but in a way helps the image."
"Dad, if you really cared about the image, you wouldn't have bought those pants in the first place."
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Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Marriage license


"Dad, is it true that you need to get a license in order to get married?"
"Yes, some towns and cities would even require you to take a three hour marriage course before they would issue you a marriage license."
"Does it help?"
"I don't know. It may scare some potential wannabe couples prompting them to scratch out their plans for marriage."
"So, basically they chicken out?"
"Well, you can't blame them. They probably live happily afterwards."
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Monday, July 25, 2005

Denial


"Tell me dad, how come you never learned how to swim?"
"I know how to swim; it's just that I can't keep my head above water for long."
"Would you like me to teach you?"
"No, thanks."
"We'll stay in the kiddie pool, in four feet water, I promise."
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Friday, July 22, 2005

Royal blood


Eww! The salad has tomatoes. I am not eating it."
"You need to give it a try. It is healthy food."
"Some other time, perhaps. Can you make me something else?"
"You know, I never complain about food. Whatever is available, I would eat it."
"I know you are not picky. You would eat anything and everything and it shows."
"You are such a royal pain."
"Why thank you! I always knew I had royal blood in me."
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Thursday, July 21, 2005

Career Choices


"Can I be a politician when I grow up?"
"Why not? I guess anyone can have a shot at that."
"What are the requirements?"
"Nothing extraordinary. Some school and some college. No star quality really, is required. You have to be lucky and being from a rich family with contacts, would not hurt either."
"What exactly is the job of a politician?"
"Well, you definitely need to be able to predict things how they will happen and then be able to explain later why they did not happen the way you predicted."
"Hmmm! Is that all, really?"
"Pretty much. Even George Bernard Shaw once commiserated about such an aspiring person. He said, "He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career."
"Are you pointing towards Bush?"
"Ssssh!"
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Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Inheritance patterns


"My friend has different colored eyes, one is blue and the other is green. Why is that. Is she a mutant?"
"Nah..! What's the color of her parents eyes?"
"I guess, they have blue and brown eyes."
"She most likely inherited it. Eye color is dependant on the expression of 6 or more genes exhibiting a polygenic inheritance patern."
"What!... Sounds way too complex. Is there a simpler explanation?"
"Yeah! She has one glass eye."
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Culinary skills


“Good food. Dad, your cooking has improved a lot.”
“Thanks. It takes time to develop culinary skills. It was not like that in my earlier years.”
“How was it, then?"
“Two words: Quick and dirty. During the student years, you firmly believe that cooking anything longer than five minutes is a complete waste of time.”
“So what would you do to save time?”
“I tried microwaving an egg once.”
“Did it work?”
“Time wise? No, it did not work out that well. The egg was splattered all over, and cleaning up the resultant mess took an hour."
“What else did you try?”
“I would eat a frozen pizza without really bothering to warm it up and for the first few times that I cooked, I nearly always had to vacate the building along with all the other residents."
"Why the evacuation?"
"You don't expect me to remain in a building that is full of smoke. Do you?"
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Friday, July 15, 2005

Finally some solutions


"Did you watch the news, lately?"
"Yes, I did."
"Why are people blowing themselves up?"
"Who knows!"
"Do you think they are angry at something?"
"They might be. But we all know that "anger" is unhealthy and usually misdirected."
"Don't they know that we have "pillows" for that?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know, the anger pillows; you squeeze them when you are angry. May be they can put on the boxing gloves and punch the bag or play soccer. Gosh, just have to hit the ball a little harder."
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Thursday, July 14, 2005

Vision problems


"Can you see your feet while standing up?"
"Not really. Give me my glasses? You know I am near sighted."
"Dad, it has nothing to do with vision, it's your belly that is in the way."
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Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Issues with tanning


"Why are you staying in shade? It's a nice sunny day."
"No thanks, I am fine here."
"Don't you want to get tanned?"
"You know, when fair skinned people get a tan, people think that they recently came back from an exotic vacation spot, or have spent time on sunny warm beach resorts such as French Riviera or Caribbean. It becomes a status symbol. People love to talk about what they did or did not do on that vacation."
"What does this has to do with you?"
"Any more tanning than my original natural skin color, and I would be fending off questions from people about my recent trip to Niger."
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Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Just in case


"You like my ponytail?"
"I have always liked you in ponytail. I think it suits all little girls. They look real cute."
"Did you make my pony tails when I was younger?"
"Yes, I did. They never seem to come out right, though. You always complained."
"Well, those pony tails were kind of loose and off-center and you would leave lots of hair out. Look, dad, let me show you how to make it. Real tight and nice."
"I don't need to know how to make a pony tail, not anymore. You have learned to do it yourself and I don't have enough hair for my own."
"Still, you should learn, just in case you want to have another daughter."
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Monday, July 11, 2005

Conversation


"Dad. Dad. Wake up. Let's go home."
"Home, why?"
"The movie has ended. It's time to go home."
"Oh! OK.”

Pause

"It was a nice movie, isn’t it? Full of suspense and mystery. I really liked the ending; it was kind of unexpected. Did you like it?"
"Dad, you were practically asleep during the whole movie. I had to elbow you a couple of times to stop you from snoring, and now you want an intelligent conversation over the movie. Hellooo?"
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Sunday, July 10, 2005

Missing friends


"You used to have lots of friends, not anymore. What happened?"
"I guess it’s mostly work and stuff that keeps me occupied. I am sure they are busy in their lives too."
"Where are they? anyway."
"Most are doing time. Ahh! Just kidding."
"Seriously dad, where are they?"
"They are all married."
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Friday, July 08, 2005

Logical reasons


"Dad, why do people marry?"
"A marriage often happens when people are in love and they want to spend the rest of their lives with each other."
"So, you have to be in love in order to get married?"
"Not necessarily. Marriages can happen for logical reasons as well."
“Logical reasons?”
“Well, people are known to marry for commitment, to start a family or as part of their culture. Sometimes they marry just to advance their careers or simply for money.”
“How stupid? I think that being in love is the best reason.”
“I agree, though, this should not be the only reason and I can quote George Bernard Shaw on that."
"What did he say?"
"He said, "It is most unwise for people in love to marry."
“I am sure he died a lonely bachelor."
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Thursday, July 07, 2005

Weird men


"Your friends are weird. They treat me like a 3-year old. It’s good that you don't visit them often."
"All right, protest noted. The next time I see them, I'll tell them to behave."
"Good. It's men like them who get on my nerves."
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Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Gender differences


“Would you agree that the girls are excessively anxious about their appearance?"
"Kinda..."
"But boys of comparable age are almost carefree about their appearance. Isn’t it?"
"That is so true. Given a chance, some boys in my class would come to school in their nightshirts and pajamas. Makes no difference if they don't dress up, as nobody checks them out anyway."
“What about girls? Who is checking them out?"
"Oh! They just look at each other and get jealous."
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Tuesday, July 05, 2005

The stubborn chicken


"What are you making?”
“Garlic chicken.”
“Smells good. Can you teach me how to make it?”
“May be next year, but for now you can watch and pick up a few pointers.”
“OK. What do you do first?
“Good question. That reminds me of an incident that happend during my student life. My roommate got hold of a recipe and decided to try his hands on a chicken for the very first time. He called me up for help after two hours, complaining and cursing the stubborn chicken that totally refused to cook."
“So, what did you do?”
“I told him to remove the sealed plastic warp from the chicken first.”
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Monday, July 04, 2005

Family feet


"You have been quiet for some time. What's going on?"
"Oh! Nothing really. I got hold of some old nail polish and I am painting my toes. All the girls my age are doing it."
"Why would you use a pink nail polish on one foot and white on other?"
"I am just experimenting."
"There is nail polish on your knees. Is that part of the experiment as well?"
"Ahn! I guess I was a little sloppy. I want you to tell me which one looks better?"
"Hmm! The right foot, I believe is a human foot. The left one looks more like an alien foot.”
"Tell me the truth."
"I don't think that these nail polishes are working on either foot."
"No, No, No, tell me the truth."
"Both feet look perfect, size 10."
"Stop making fun of my feet. They are not that big. Don't you forget that I have your feet."
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Sunday, July 03, 2005

War of the Worlds (the movie)


"I found parts of the movie "War of the worlds" scary. That little girl (Dakota Fanning) was like screaming every five minutes. Were you scared too?"
"No, not really. I guess they were the same bad ass aliens that you saw in the other movie, "Independence day", may be a little uglier.”
“What were the aliens doing on earth this time?”
“It is an old story of aliens invading the earth to exterminate the humans and to make this planet their home. This time they were riding in "tripods", sucking human blood and getting dysentery or something. I think that's how they died eventually."
“Eww! That’s what they were eating? I think I missed that part.”
“What were they supposed to eat? They were not strict vegetarians."
"They didn't have anything else to eat?"
"I guess not. See, all that planning went down the tube because they forgot to pack their food with them for the mission. At least someone should have thought of that in the higher alien hierarchy before planning an interplanetary war.”
"That's dumb. I am sure somebody is going to get fired over this."


Pause

"I really liked Tom Cruise's role."
"Yeah! Though, he was mostly running the other way from the aliens throughout the movie. He was portrayed as a "lousy dad" living alone, but was able to take care of his children during the alien attack."
"Isn't that cool? He came out good as a father."
"You don't really need an alien invasion to bring a family together. Do you?"
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Friday, July 01, 2005

Learnt process


"Is it true that marriages are difficult but parenting is easier?"
"There might be some truth to it."
"I don't understand that at all. Why is that?"
"Well, parenting is a primal basic instinct. Even the most primitive animals are capable of taking good care of their newborns, and that is without any formal training. Marriage, on the other hand, is a whole different story. It's a “learnt process” rather than an instinct."
"How long does it take to learn it?"
"It depends. There are many variables."
"How about yourself, have you learnt it all?"
"To be honest, I am still learning."
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